The ShenBot

This past week I read about a PBS special called “Growing up Online.” The special explored teenagers who were coming of age with the Internet and how it plays an integral part in their lives. The entire special can be seen online here.

As being someone who pseudo grew up with the Internet, I was surprised to find myself so … well, surprised by what I was seeing in the special. The first thing that struck me was the warning at the beginning advising that the special may not be suitable for young viewers and that viewer discretion was advised. I actually paused the special to think about this – a special about teens and kids online had a warning that this may not be suitable for kids.

The special covered all the expected topics such as sexual predators, increased cheating in schools, and parents’ concerns about not being able to monitor what their kids are doing. However, there were some topics that came up that either weren’t an issue when I was in my formative years or can only reflect on in 20/20 hindsight.

There was a good amount of discussion about how the Internet is simply an extension of these teens “real” lives – not a completely separate thing that they partake in when they’re not out playing sports, hanging out with friends or doing homework. This may seem obvious to people who think of the Internet in a similar manner and live their lives the same way. But to many parents, it is inconceivable that their children are anything other than what they know them to be “offline.”

The truth is, though, that many kids are now saying that they are only truly themselves when they are “online,” and it’s when they’re in their offline lives that they pretend to be someone they are not. One girl opened up about the fact that she is a follower of the Goddess Anna – a group of girls online who openly communicate about and support each other in being anorexic. It’s when she is in her offline life that she has to pretend to be someone other than who she really is, and her parents have no idea about her “real” identity. This is not always the case – a girl named Jessica told her story of becoming a MySpace superstar as Autumn Edows, a fictional persona she created in order to escape the offline life from which she felt completely alienated. As pointed out in the special, the Internet is always a willing listener who will always be there for teens looking for an outlet. No real life relationship can be there in the 24/7 manner MySpace can.

The special also discussed the concept of Cyberbullying, a concept that is completely foreign to me. It’s not that my friends and I didn’t argue online over email or IM in the early days of AOL and Netscape. But there was never the intensity of the situations outlined in the special. Life no longer keeps the hours it used to – people are working longer thanks to Blackberries, teens are exploring their sexuality sooner and more intensely as it seems “safer” in a digital forum when no real contact is involved, and kids are being bullied 24 hours a day not just between eight and three. The one thing that seemed apparent about Cyberbullying is that it never started and ended online – it usually ended in what appears to be an extreme state in real life. Two groups of girls that argued on MySpace via comments and messages for months culminating in a full-blown brawl at school that ended up being filmed and posted to YouTube. A young boy was being cyberbullied online for months until he found a website that showed him how to kill himself, which he did.

The one thing that is contemplative for me after watching this special is that children will always at some point think they are smarter than their parents. Of course, this usually ends up being totally untrue and admitted at some point later in life. That’s not really the case with the Internet. A lot of parents have no idea how to navigate life online, and because of that are generally terrified about all the potential dangers that may befall on their kids. This dichotomy is causing rifts in families, and many kids are finding ways to “outsmart” their parents when they are being monitored online. Parents are starting to realize that they may not know as much as their kids in this space and their fears are just that – their fears, not their kids’. This doesn’t mean kids know everything there is to know or that they won’t make bad choices when living their life online. I wonder, though, if the greater danger is this dichotomy in perception about the Internet between parents and kids where kids may not feel as if they can go to their parents for help or guidance because they think mom and dad may not “get it.”